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bamboozled) wrote2022-11-25 11:31 pm
bamboozled) wrote2022-11-25 11:31 pm
25 nov 2022
this is mostly whining/complaining/whatever
I usually feel this way every couple of months, but the awful brain week plus the weather have made me soooo messed up. I’m annoyed. Anyway, I’m just tired of not being anyone’s priority. Like, my mom loves me and cares about me but she is not in a position to take care of me and hasn’t been for the past 15 years or so. Longer, if I’m being honest. I do not trust my brother. Either of them. I have friends (so many friends! i love you all!) but I don’t know like. I don’t know. A lot of them are married and doing their own thing and it’s just so frustrating, especially when they’re hanging out with other (mutual) groups of friends during the week and I’m not invited. Like am I missing a hint? I know I’m not unloveable (or maybe just don’t want to let myself consider the possibility) but like. Why don’t people like me??? Like why am I so forgettable or not included or whatever. I feel so isolated from so many of my peers anyway (fat, older parent who needs a lot of help, single, all together pretty weird) that this doesn’t help. I’m just trying my best and being told over and over again in so many silent ways that it’s not good enough.
whatever. if you read this, thanks lol
I usually feel this way every couple of months, but the awful brain week plus the weather have made me soooo messed up. I’m annoyed. Anyway, I’m just tired of not being anyone’s priority. Like, my mom loves me and cares about me but she is not in a position to take care of me and hasn’t been for the past 15 years or so. Longer, if I’m being honest. I do not trust my brother. Either of them. I have friends (so many friends! i love you all!) but I don’t know like. I don’t know. A lot of them are married and doing their own thing and it’s just so frustrating, especially when they’re hanging out with other (mutual) groups of friends during the week and I’m not invited. Like am I missing a hint? I know I’m not unloveable (or maybe just don’t want to let myself consider the possibility) but like. Why don’t people like me??? Like why am I so forgettable or not included or whatever. I feel so isolated from so many of my peers anyway (fat, older parent who needs a lot of help, single, all together pretty weird) that this doesn’t help. I’m just trying my best and being told over and over again in so many silent ways that it’s not good enough.
whatever. if you read this, thanks lol
no subject